Sunday, May 15, 2005

3... more... days...

Three days 'til home. Unfortunately, there are two exams in the way.

So I saw this bumper sticker today:

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -Aristotle

I like that. A lot. I think we all, myself included... especially included, could do that a little more. A lot more.

So, in preparation of my upcoming oral surgery (may 26th!) I've started a list of movies I must see. Feel free to help add to the list! And if you're going to be around SP, feel free to come watch with me (and bring ice cream too!!)
  • Collateral
  • Finding Neverland
  • Garden State
  • I Heart Huckabees
  • Love Actually
  • Meet The Fockers
  • Million Dollar Baby
  • Sixteen Candles
  • When Harry Met Sally

So my friend is absolutely obsessed with the late Mitch Hedburg. I like Mitch a lot. But I'm pretty sold on Brian Regan. I go back and forth. So, in light of my recent debate over who I like better, I thought I'd host a little face-off with some of my favorite quotes...

Mitch: "I got to write these jokes. So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny."

Brian: "I'm just trying to go through life without looking stupid... it's not working out too well..."

"Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something."

"I don't know when to say the 'you too' phrase... i can't handle it. I never learn, you know... like a waitress will bring my meal: 'hey, enjoy your meal!' 'you too!!... oh, you don't have one do you? I'm a doofus! If you do have one, enjoy it when you eat it, if you have a break or something... later... if you get an opportunity... that's all I'm trying to say! That's all that I'm driving at. Really. If you think about it. That's all.'"

"I went to a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress heard me 'cause she asked how I'd like my eggs. So I tried answering her anyways. "INCUBATED! Then hatched, then raised, then beheaded, then plucked, then cut up, then put onto a grill, then put onto a bun. Dang, it's gonna take a while. I don't have the time. Scrambled!"

"You ever start to say something and then in the middle of what you're saying you decide to say something else completely? You know there's already words out there? ...These friends were leaving the other day and I started to say 'Hey, take care!' and I decided to say 'good luck' instead like halfway through, you know? So it came out neither. 'See you later, take... luck... take luck and care... take care of the luck... good luck taking care of the luck that you might have... if you have luck, take it... care for it... TAKE LUCK CARE OF IN IT WHEN YOU TAKE CARE...''re sure to see them again."

"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend? "Don’t even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's back home in the file... under 'D', for doughnut."

"I'm always putting my foot in my mouth. I don't stop to think. It's just like 'oh no, words are coming out!' ...Like I met this woman the other day and I could have sworn she was preganant. Let me tell you... --ooohhs from the audience-- I know now! I think the rule is don't guess at that ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever evereverevereverever... something like that. I didn't have enough 'evers' memorized. So I said, 'hey, when's that baaaby due?' You ever feel a word coming out but it's too late to stop it? It's coming out loud: 'Hey when's that BABY due... BAAABBBY' 'What baby?' --gasps-- 'At the zoo! The pandas! I heard they're trying to have one... I just um, you know, thought we'd talk about it.'

"Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying, 'Here — you throw this away.'"

"Have you ever guessed somebody's gender wrong? There's no recovering from that. You just gotta move on, 'cause you ain't wriggling out of nothing. 'Excuse me sir? MAAM. Ok, ok, bye! Bye human... bye person... nice to meet you individual!'"

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know this lady who'd be really mad if she heard me say that."

That last one's my personal favorite :) I just don't know. They both make me laugh so hard it hurts!! What do you think?

Oh right... I just remembered... I'm suppossed to be studying!!


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